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  • Writer's pictureRiley Murphy


Updated: Sep 9, 2023

It was coffee time and I’ve never mentioned this before, but I consider the half hour or so before our day begins, important. It gives us the opportunity to discuss anything.

World peace.


What I want planted in our gardens.

Even, or especially, the changes I want to make to those final – stamped in stone and never to be altered contractor bibles (otherwise known as blue prints when one is remodeling) that my contractor forced me to sign off on before I was prepared to.

*Stares at you with wide eyes*

I don’t care what color they are, those pages need to be flexible because I change my mind on occasion. Not a lot, but according to cranky contractor? Once is too much.

Once? Really? Seriously?

Man, he’s stubborn and he shall not be referred to as honey until he starts resembling him.

So, imagine my surprise when my not so cranky contractor broaches a topic this morning about something that makes me perk up and go, hm…?

We were speaking of television shows and he mentions a movie made for television. I’m not going to say which one, but the description he gives me goes like this. “There’s a hot chick in it. She’s stuck on a research island with a pile of troglodytes (a derogatory term for cave dwellers for those who may be unfamiliar with the term) only the difference in this B movie as oppose to another, is that this tribe of troglodytes are touted as being the missing link.

What’s not to love right?

I mean, I don’t think not-so-cranky noticed that he was suggesting the offensive tribal crowd was our start to being a being. They were supposedly the missing link to our origins and he’s insulting them with troglodyte terminology?

Meh, I let it slide. I had to because he was telling me the whole story of something I’d never watch and well, I had the feeling he was doing a better job than the director or the writer who pitched the original idea. Maybe not the writer because they did get the contract to film it. 😊

But his telling of it? Yup, I took some pride in that. Clearly, my story embellishing over the years has rubbed off on him. Haha!

Anyway, the discussion that followed was brisk and interesting in that it hit me differently than it hit him. Yeah, I know he watched the movie, and I only got the highlights from him but, basically, what follows is him bitching about the low budget, cheesy performances, and the improbability of the actual happenings that really busted his balls.

*Leans in to speak to you candidly here* When I hear someone go off on a tangent about a story or a movie they read or saw I think, 'Right on. It clearly affected you enough to want to complain. Lord knows I have reviews like that. But hey, the reviewer took the time no matter what they were talking about it. It's all good.' *Eyes him* And then I say.

“Um… I get that you’re frustrated but, as your rendition goes they are purported to be the missing links – even though they look like troglodytes — being studied on a research island by a hot chick that you said wasn’t so hot that should be valuable.”

I’m thinking that should explain it all.

Then he says, “Right? Just think if it was true, it would hit some people pretty hard. But, maybe not, now that I think about it. They wouldn’t care because…

*Insert five minutes of him sharing why he thinks they wouldn’t care here* for no other reason than I wasn’t listening.

Don’t judge me. I have a tendency to shut off things I think are none of my business because I don’t need to judge those things, you know?

But then, I realize that he’s pointed something out. It wasn’t intentional, it just evolved. While he’s talking about the origin of species, Darwinism, and the Church’s view on the subject. Heck, people in general’s view on the subject, I wind up having an epiphany.

At my jaded age? Man, it felt great. 😉

I’m so used to saying, “I know, some people don’t want to believe they are descended from Apes.” It’s a standard, boring, and ordinary rebuttal to get away from the religious topic before Adam and Eve arrives. This morning I whipped out my usual amoeba comment. Now, history has changed my version of this single cell that replicates, but what I know about this water dweller is that this is where all life started as it’s the spark of cell-life before we get to the human baby-making process.

If you want the rewritten version of the amoeba here it is: According to evolutionary theory, the first life forms on Earth were simple single-celled organisms, similar to the Amoeba.

*Stares at you until my eyes water*

The big difference in their single cell version of fact and mine? The Amoeba splits and becomes two. What is that called? Reproducing. Just saying Wikipedia.

But, I digress.

Here’s me sharing my big epiphany. “Hey, maybe it’s not an argument over whether we are descended from Apes or Adam or Eve. Look at the spark of life spectrum. Darwin skipped past the amoeba evolution right to the Ape. Why? Well, it was the first indicator of humanlike interacting intentionally with their environment to survive.”

He stares at me in a way that makes me listen to the statement I just made and when I do, I beam. “It was a beauty contest. Darwin saw the dextrose homo sapiens as brilliant and shining examples of a beginning, but those that disagreed with him pointed at a handsome couple because they looked like better role models to teach the peoples. Me? I’m pointing to those tiny amoebas that converted to reproducing cells as mom and dad. Without them there wouldn’t be the ape to carry the journey to the handsome couple to claim it.”

I have to say in my version of Eden it wasn’t a snake that dropped the apple to eve to tempt her. Too obvious. I’ll have to write my version of happenings of things one day.

Oh, man, I can’t help myself. The ideas of that story are bursting to life. Here’s the quick version that is coming to me.

This is a parody of the spark of existence and the duality of our hindsight perception of creation. While the scientific sector wants to model the concept with a hairy paw, the moral sector wants to show it off with a finely manicured hand.

This forces Santa, a donkey, a goat, and their trusted whistler to descend from the cloud and mediate —okay, actually judge, their beauty contest until a winner is announced. And, it isn’t until a pink unicorn snake with blonde hair turns up to insist they are totally wrong that everyone listens and mayhem ensues.

Why? She has the proof. She insists it’s the reason she’s pink and not green.

This leaves even the scientific community stumped since they are the ones who have the tangible facts before them, not just words in a book.

The two opposing sides come together to ask the US (Unicorn snake) if she will agree to be studied as believes she’s the link to debunk their origin claims. <- Yeah, I borrowed all this from the hot chick on a research island talk from my not-so- cranky-today contractor, but follow me here for one more second.-> The US looks right at the pair as she quips, “Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t need to be studied.”

The two who have come together on this to have the argument settled look at each other and then ask, “How will we ever know if we don’t study it?”

She fluffs her blonde hair like she’d seen Mae West do once, and answered them, “You are each sexual beings. An ape reproduces as its sex allows - male or female. Adam and Eve reproduce as their sex allows, male or female. A snake? Pink or green reproduces as both or either.” She looks from one to the other. “As I’m here talking to the two of you right now this is all the proof we need. You needed me in my origin to split and decided how I should bear life because you couldn’t reproduce. You were hogtied by your singular sex-self while I was an unfettered being asexual. An origin gene with options you never had.”

Santa leaves his bench to stand and nod. “Makes sense. But, why did you mention this was the reason you where pink instead of green?”

The US smiled. “The pink female gene self was the only one bold enough to give it a try. The green was what the other previously blue gene half turned into. I believe they call that envy.”

Yeah, that’s my story that I’m sticking to. Heh, heh. I love the pink snake. She has balls.

*Looks right at you*

True story. It could happen.

I will post follow-up comments from the donkey, the goat, and the whistler. There are reasons they traveled with Santa in a cloud to attend.

Intriguing, right?

As always thanks for stopping by! 😊


I would like to tell you that the adorable snake picture is a sticker and it’s available for sale if you click here. So cute.

Hot Marilyn-esque girl link is here.

Top Sekrit image is Top Sekrit. ;D

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